Pound of Flesh

In Uncategorized on February 3, 2011 by cecilysian

Here’s a tricky one.

K earns a very good salary. He’s just had a nice big fat salary raise, so that now he earns even more money. We still have debt, we still have a mortgage, we don’t live in a mansion. I don’t go shopping, for shoes or clothes, or spend a fortune on stuff for the house. K doesn’t care much about gadgets, or cars or technology.
But still, we’re comfortably off. We don’t really have to worry about money.

K works long hours, five days a week, in our nearest Big Smoke. Total journey time daily is two hours and forty minutes. He has a pretty high up job in the company, in a role requiring him to entertain clients, and staff, so that of those 5 days a week, at least two or three evenings a week are given over to late nights.

They get their pound of flesh out of him. They see more of him than we do, and they can suck more juice out of him, because they are paying him the big fat wedge of salary that pays our mortgage.

The more juice they suck out of him, the more he needs put back in. The more they take from him, the less room in this marriage for me.

Because, and don’t let me lead you into thinking that K doesn’t realise this, because to his credit, he does – because without me, the wife, at home, running things, he would not be able to do that job. If one of the kids is ill, there is no discussion about who will stay to look after her. He need make no plan, ever, for childcare. He is never required to leave work early to pick a child up from a childminder, or take a child for its jabs.

In the mornings, he has one person to get ready. One person’s belongings to remember. One person’s train to catch.

The price of K’s company pays for him is a price that includes me. Every pay rise pushes me further away. There is no room in this marriage for the demands I would like to make, professionally, in our lives.

Just no room.

What I am doing is trying to launch an online business.   And after one and a half years, I can tell it’s not working. It could work, with K’s help, but there is no room in this life of ours for anything but his work, to work. I don’t have all the skills I need to make it work. K has many of them. But in this life of ours, this life of hours, there is no more room. He has no more time to allot.

They get more than the pound of flesh from their executives, some companies. They suck the sap out of other halves too.

I’m wondering what exactly, will be left.



The Price You Pay

In Uncategorized on February 3, 2011 by cecilysian

I’m not sure that, back in my salad days as a youthful, optimistic young woman at university, I quite realised that feminism was not as prevalent as it seemed. Motherhood and domestic challenges now make me wonder if, in fact, it ever happened at all.

The nature of the patriarchy was always that of a dominating, subjugating force; and of course in law, outwardly in relationships, in our schools and even in our streets it seemed to have shrunk muttering back into the shadows; but now I think it lurks there still, this quiet, gentle subjugating pressure, and its heart still pulses in most of our lives.

Little did we know it! We thought we could have it all, and it turns out that when we try to have it all, we fall, shocked, into some very well camouflaged traps.

These traps, which I often suddenly discover I’m in, surprise me.

And here in this blog, is where I shall be saying “Oh man, what just happened?”


Hello world!

In Uncategorized on February 3, 2011 by cecilysian

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!